Settling into school is a gradual process that involves the whole family. Support your child with transitional objects, brief but heartfelt goodbyes, adjusted routines and positive reinforcement. The process varies from child to child, so it is essential that parents remain calm.
There are certain transitional moments in our lives that can be experienced with joy and peace of mind, provided they are treated with the same sense of normality as other changes in our daily lives.
The moment a child starts at nursery, kindergarten or Year 1 of primary school is one such moment; it usually marks the first time a baby or child is separated from the family and is therefore a period filled with a range of intense emotions for everyone involved.
With this in mind, the whole family should prepare for this adjustment phase.
After choosing a school
It is important that parents feel at ease and:
- Have confidence in the school;
- Get involved, alongside all the school’s staff, in the settling-in process.
The adaptation process
The settling-in phase depends on various factors, such as the individual characteristics of each baby or child, family relationships, the level of (in)dependence that parents encourage in their children, and the way in which they themselves manage the anxiety and distress caused by the moment of separation.
Therefore:
- The adaptation process also involves the child’s primary caregivers;
- It is important that parents convey a sense of security to their children, avoiding the expression of their own fears, distress and concerns;
- Younger children express their feelings through their bodies, as their level of maturity does not yet allow them to express themselves verbally in an effective manner.
It is therefore essential that parents are attentive to the most common forms of such behaviour: in addition to crying, children may also fall ill, sleep more, refuse food, and so on, during the adjustment period.
A gradual adjustment is recommended, although this approach should be entirely flexible and tailored to the child’s individual needs and the family’s circumstances:
Day 1
The baby or child stays at the nursery for about an hour in the morning.
Day 2
The baby or child stays at the nursery for the whole morning, until lunchtime (excluding lunch).
Day 3
The baby or child stays at the nursery all morning and may have lunch there, leaving after the meal is finished.
Day 4
The baby or child will only leave after their nap (for the age groups covered by this routine) or after their afternoon snack.
Day 5
By the end of the week, the baby or child will stay at the nursery all day, allowing them to settle into their future routine.
Tips to remember
1. Give your child a transitional object to take to school
It is important that the child is able to take an object or toy that is meaningful to them (a transitional object, to be precise) to school, such as a dummy or a muslin nappy, for example.
These objects act as a support in the journey towards independence, serving as a maternal substitute, and allowing the baby or child to cope in the absence of their primary caregivers.
2. Say goodbye briefly, but always sincerely
The farewell should be sincere; avoid slipping away unnoticed. Parents should be firm, without dragging the moment out too long, even if they have to listen to their children crying.
It is essential to understand that crying and tantrums when parents leave are common, and do not necessarily mean that the child does not want to stay at school. Similarly, the absence of crying does not mean the child does not feel the separation.
Finally, avoid making negative comments about settling in in front of your child.
3. Reorganise family routines
It is important to reorganise family routines at home so that the child does not feel rushed to go to school, which would take away some of their enjoyment.
4. Encourage the formation of bonds
Encourage the child to ask their teacher for help whenever they need something, in order to foster the formation of emotional bonds between them.
Praise and acknowledge what the child has done throughout the day, rather than focusing on the moment of separation.
- Finally, when you get home, spend more time with your child and play together.
The length of the settling-in period varies greatly, depending on each child’s individual characteristics and pace, as well as the people around them.
“A smooth transition at the start of the educational integration process can pave the way for a successful school career.”
Dr Rita Barata
Psychology Service at Colégio Europeu Astoria is available to support and welcome you through this transition.
1. How long does the settling-in period last?
The duration varies and depends on the individual characteristics of the children, their own pace, and the people around them. There is no set timeframe; the important thing is to respect each child’s pace.
2. My child cries every day when I leave; is this normal?
Yes. Crying and tantrums at the moment of separation are common and do not mean that the child does not want to stay at school. Similarly, the absence of crying does not indicate that the child does not feel the separation.
3. How should the goodbye be handled to make settling in easier?
The goodbye should be brief, firm and sincere. Avoid sneaking out or dragging the moment out too long. Any negative comments about settling in in the child’s presence should also be avoided.
4. What is a transitional object and why is it useful?
It is an object that is meaningful to the child (such as a dummy or a muslin nappy) which acts as a support for autonomy and a substitute for key figures in their absence, allowing the baby or child to organise their emotions in the new environment.
5. How can parents prepare for this phase?
Parents should trust the chosen institution, get involved in the settling-in process and manage their own anxieties without passing them on to the child. Reorganising routines at home and spending more quality time with their child upon their return are equally essential steps.
