Around the age of two, potty training starts to come onto families’ radar, often accompanied by doubts, anxiety and a thousand conflicting opinions coming from all sides. The good news is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach, so the key is to respect each child’s own pace.
There are milestones in a child’s development that stay with you forever: their first steps, their first words and, inevitably, the day when nappies are no longer part of their daily routine.
Potty training is one of those stages which, although natural, tends to raise many questions: “Is it time yet?”, “Am I doing the right thing by taking the nappies off now?”, “Why did other people’s children manage it sooner?”, and so on.
The most honest answer is that there is neither a perfect moment nor a foolproof method. There are, however, signs to look out for, strategies that help, and the certainty that, with patience and without pressure, most children get there in their own way.
This article brings together the guidance provided by the Psychology Department at Astoria International School to help families navigate this process with greater confidence and less anxiety.
How to tell if your child is ready to stop wearing nappies
Before taking the first step, it is worth checking whether your child is already showing signs of physical and emotional maturity. These signs do not all have to appear at the same time, but the more evident they are, the greater the likelihood that the process will go smoothly.
1. The nappy stays dry for longer periods
If the nappy stays dry for more than two hours at a time (and if your child wakes up from their nap without having wet themselves), it means their bladder already has sufficient capacity to start potty training.
2. The child gives warning before going to the toilet
The fact that your child begins to verbalise the need before acting (and not afterwards) is a very positive sign, suggesting that they already have sufficient body awareness to anticipate their physiological needs.
3. The child is able to understand multi-step instructions
If your child can follow your instructions when you tell them, for example, to fetch their trainers and bring them over so they can put them on, it means they already have the necessary cognitive maturity to understand the potty-training process.
4. The child insists on doing things their own way
The famous “No!” is, incredible as it may seem, a good sign, as the ability to make their own decisions is essential for your child to feel that potty training is something they have chosen to do (as opposed to something imposed on them), and this makes all the difference to their motivation.
5. The child imitates what adults do
Imitation is one of the most powerful forms of learning at this stage. If your child shows an interest in copying the behaviour of parents or older siblings in the bathroom, make the most of this natural impulse.
6. Children start putting things ‘in the right place’
Putting toys away in their designated box and returning objects to their proper place are signs of organised behaviour. Although it may seem irrelevant, the truth is that it reflects a mental ability that also applies to using the potty or toilet.
7. Schedules start to become predictable
As the digestive system matures, the child begins to feel the urge to urinate or have a bowel movement at more regular times, often before or after meals. This predictability is essential for starting to think about giving up nappies.
How to start the potty training process
Once the signs have been confirmed, you can begin training calmly and without rushing. Here are some practical guidelines:
1. Start by getting your child used to the toilet
Before taking the nappy off completely, start by taking your child to the toilet at strategic times, especially after meals, when the likelihood of success is highest. This gradual exposure helps to establish a routine and positive associations.
2. Emphasise that the toilet is not a seat and that privacy should be respected
The time your child spends on the toilet or potty should not exceed 5 to 10 minutes. Sessions that are too long create anxiety and negative associations.
Furthermore, the potty (if used) should always remain in the bathroom, so that the child understands that their privacy deserves to be respected.
3. Make the experience enjoyable
Having a favourite book in the bathroom can help your child relax and form a positive association with the space. If your child is afraid of the toilet (which, incidentally, is quite common), a personalised potty is a great alternative; let your child choose and decorate it, so they see it as their own.
4. Use children’s books if you need help
Children’s stories featuring characters going through the same process can be very effective tools, as the child identifies with the story’s hero and wants to imitate them.
5. Make a distinction between day and night
Night-time potty training doesn’t necessarily follow on from daytime training: when your child starts waking up several nights in a row with a dry nappy (or waking up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet), you’ll know the time is right to stop using nappies at night too.
What to bear in mind before you start
Potty training should only begin once home and school are on the same page. Ideally, the process should start at home, where the child feels most secure, before being extended to other settings. With this in mind, please note the following guidelines:
- Choose the right season: spring and summer are ideal, as fewer clothes mean fewer complications and it is easier to deal with potential accidents;
- Avoid too many changes at once: starting school, moving house, the birth of a sibling or any other significant change to the routine are more than valid reasons to postpone the start of the process;
- Be consistent: interrupting the process can be confusing for the child; therefore, only start when you are sure the time is right.
Last but not least, avoid putting pressure on them: trying to live up to their parents’ expectations is already a considerable effort for a young child, so if adults also put pressure on them, the effect could be the opposite of what is desired.
What to do if things don’t go well
Attempting this too early can hinder the process, although doing the exact opposite – without any structure or guidance – doesn’t help either. Every child’s pace is unique, and so the role of adults is to create the right conditions rather than force results.
If the process takes place without excessive anxiety, punishments or reprimands, and with appropriate, calm language, the child will cooperate, not least because it is in their own best interests to succeed.
However, if situations arise such as a persistent refusal to cooperate, frequent setbacks, or intense anxiety and fear related to the potty, you know it is time to seek help. The teacher, psychologist or paediatrician at Astoria International School can help identify the physical or emotional causes that may be hindering the process.
Perguntas Frequentes
1. My child is 3 years old and still wears nappies. Should I be worried?
Not necessarily. There is considerable individual variation, and certain factors (such as temperament, previous experiences or changes in routine) can delay the process. If you have any other concerns regarding your child’s development, consult your paediatrician.
2. Is it true that girls stop wearing nappies earlier than boys?
There is some evidence to suggest this, but the difference is not absolute. The most important thing is to look out for the specific signs of readiness in each child, regardless of gender.
3. What should I do if my child completely refuses to sit on the potty?
Don’t force them; drop the subject for a few days and reintroduce it calmly. Some strategies, such as decorating the potty with stickers or involving the child in choosing the accessory, can help reduce resistance.
4. Should the process at school be the same as at home?
There should be coordination, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be identical. The important thing is that there is regular communication between the family and the teacher so that the child receives consistent messages in both settings.
5. Are accidents during potty training normal?
Absolutely! Accidents are part of the process and should not be a cause for scolding; quite the opposite: a calm reaction from adults is essential, as opposed to an anxious or punitive response, which could create mental blocks and significantly prolong the process.
